Come on over!
Why you should have people over and how to make hosting easy peasy
In 2015, The New York Times published an article called The Death of the Party. For the last decade, it has lived rent-free in my head. It laid out why parties are declining — a collision of technology, economics, culture, and urban geography pushing people toward quieter, more digital, more dispersed ways of socializing. It’s sad. It chips away at spontaneity, belonging, and the kind of real-life connection a screen can’t replicate.
I grew up in a world where gatherings were a constant rhythm — family and friend parties nearly every weekend, and impromptu Sunday get-togethers that pulled everyone into one house without any planning at all. Because of that, it’s impossible not to notice how different things feel now. Parties aren’t just rarer; they’re harder to create. And their decline leaves a quiet kind of sadness behind. Here’s why:
We lose effortless connection and community. Parties spark the spontaneous conversations and friendships you can’t engineer online. When those moments fade, so do the weak ties that make a community feel alive. Digital connection is easy, but it doesn’t offer the warmth, energy, or memory-making of being in a room together.
Hosting feels harder, pricier, and more pressured. In the age of influencers and social media, there’s pressure to make everything look “aesthetic” or picture-perfect. That pressure sucks the joy out of casual hosting, so fewer people do it.
Distance and logistics drain spontaneity. In the last two years, many of my friends have moved away or entered different seasons of life. Everyone’s spread across cities and juggling new priorities, so a quick “come over” just isn’t realistic anymore. That changes how we gather.
And when you zoom out, it’s easy to see how all of this feeds into the broader loneliness epidemic. When gatherings become rare, hosting feels intimidating, and friends scatter across cities, people slowly retreat into smaller, quieter routines. Not because they want to be isolated, but because the path to togetherness has so much friction. Parties used to give us effortless belonging — a room full of laughter, familiar faces, and the sense that you were part of something bigger than yourself. Without those regular touch points, it’s no surprise that so many of us feel disconnected, even while surrounded by digital “connection.” In a way, the decline of parties isn’t just about fewer social events — it’s about the slow erosion of the spaces where community naturally forms.
For the last 10 years, I’ve been on a covert-ish mission to bring parties back and find ways to weave hosting to my day-to-day. Not in a grand, intimidating, Pinterest-perfect way, but in the simple, familiar spirit I grew up with. If the decline of parties is partly what fuels the loneliness so many of us feel, then maybe the antidote is to host more often, more casually, and with a lot less pressure.
The good news? Hosting doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t have to be expensive. And it definitely doesn’t have to be Instagram-ready. Some of the best gatherings I’ve ever been to and have hosted were messy, last-minute, and built around food or a theme thrown together at the last minute.
Which brings me to the start of this series: Come on over.
My hope is to share my knowledge and experience with you so that you feel empowered in inviting others into your home and your life. My style of hosting can sometimes seem a bit over-the-top, but what I’ve done is actually design my everyday life in such a way that having people over is just as easy as saying “Come on over.” I don’t really have the luxury or desire to spend a lot of money on individual events, and if the preparation time takes too long, I will wear myself out by the end that I won’t even enjoy the party.
In that light, most of the tips that I will share is not only applicable to parties, but also applicable to your everyday life.
Before I share with you my hacks for making having people over as easy as it can be, I’m going to share my perspective as a guest, to give you some ease and confidence that yes, you are/can be a good host.
Note: I feel like I am a good person to give you this advice primarily because I have been told (by many) that I am a bit “extra” when it comes to home and parties. I hope this is a compliment?!
I’m just happy to be here. It’s an honor and a privilege to be invited into someone’s home. Home is a sacred space, and I appreciate that you wanted to include me in your gathering.
Please tell me what I can bring. I don’t like showing up empty handed - I want to contribute in some small ways so I don’t feel like a mooch.
I don’t care what you serve - we can always order pizza or go for a beer run. I do care about how clean your bathroom is, though.
I want a home tour, and I will enjoy every small detail you want to tell me about your home. I think a home tour is the adult version of a show-and-tell. I think it is really special when someone wants to show you their home and their stuff - it’s an invitation to get to know them more. What a privilege that is.
I hope that eases your mind a little bit about having people over.
Now - I will share a few quick, simple my hacks that will make hosting feel almost second-nature.
Cook/make one thing, arrange the rest. This is a tip I picked up from Ina Garten. These days, I stay pretty busy and cooking falls off my day-to-day. Cooking can also require a good amount of planning and cleanup, so lately I’ve been avoiding it. However, if you must make something, let it be just one thing. As a host, your job isn’t just the food. It’s food + ambiance. Buy some snacks or take-home meals, or order from a local restaurant. It will make your life so much easier.
Invest in durable, simple everyday dishes. Invest does not necessarily spend more money. Rather, shop for quality products that are durable and versatile, within your price range. Not only will they last you forever, but you will also stretch your cost-per-use.
Most of my everyday dishes are simple white dishes that are dishwasher and oven-friendly up to 425degrees. I bought a set of 8 of large dinner plates, low bowls, and cereal bowls. They have made appearances at every gathering I’ve hosted for 10 years and counting, including my wedding. The cereal bowl easily turn into dip bowls, which I can place in the middle of a large dinner plate, and I can surround the bowl with cut baguettes or fruits. I also purchased them in all white - white allows the dinnerware to disappear into the background, and make the food stand out a bit more. It’s also really easy to match to other colored, wood, or metal utensils, and will stand the test of time.
Have co-conspirators. Including friends for your party reduces the pressure, because you can now share the planning and prep. Your co-hosts can handle food while you handle decoration, for example. It also makes the party preparation so much more fun. Remember those days when we would gather to “get ready” for a night out? It’s just like that, but the night out is actually in your own home.
Prioritize bathroom cleanliness. The one place that I will judge in a person’s home is their bathroom. The bathroom is a very intimate, a very human space, where one can privately reset and get clean. Make sure this is a priority. Store extra hand soap and toilet paper in your bathroom always. Not only is this a good party hack, but also a good life hack.
Reduce one-time-use decor. This one may require you to spend a bit more upfront, but there’s also ways around this, too. A really good example of this is balloons. I love a fun balloon decor, but having them for every party feels wasteful. Instead, I have a small basket of little disco balls that I like to spread in various places, paired with cut grocery store flowers in a simple vase.
I also try to buy decor that are theme-agnostic (small exception here is Christmas), and I try to re-use them for every party.
In subsequent posts, I’ll dive deeper into other hacks, tips, and lessons learned so that you’d feel more comfortable having people over. I have no idea how many parts this will be, but feel free to drop questions/comments below if you have them. I’m looking forward to continuing this series - it’s such a fun topic to talk about, and gathering is something that I feel is deeply needed these days.